A full year of blessings

Praise God--I have reached my 1 year anniversary from my transplants!!!!

So many people have asked me if it feels like a year has passed.  I never have a simple answer for that.  Time is such an abstract concept for me.  Sometimes it feels like my surgery was longer than a year ago & sometimes it seems like just a few months have passed.  I'm feeling great physically so I'm really thankful!

When I started to write this post, I couldn't believe how much time had passed from my last one. When I wrote in January, I was feeling really foggy mentally since about October.  On Feb 14, my doctors ordered an MRI to rule out any brain issues.  The test came back normal, which didn't surprise them.  They felt it was just related to my body adjusting to the meds & still recovering from the major surgery. I felt relieved with the negative MRI, but the fogginess still was there.  

I was really frustrated because even normal daily activities were overwhelming.  However, I found comfort in knowing that there were many people praying for me during this tough time.  I didn't have anything new to say so that's why I didn't post here.  

Without any explanation, I woke up one morning in late March & felt clearer.  I actually felt like getting up & being productive.  Most other mornings, I had to drag myself out of bed.  For those of you who know me well, that is a drastic change for me. I usually wake around 5 or 5:30 & am ready to dive into the day.  My doctors couldn't explain it but said they had some other patients with the same symptoms & their fog also lifted without any treatment.  Nothing had changed for me...same meds, etc.  We attributed it to the power of prayer & just accepted it as something that I had to go through.    

So, I've been doing well since then.  My fogginess has returned a little in the past month but it isn't as severe as before.  I had another med change so perhaps it's due to that.  

As I titled this, this has been a year full of blessings...

...My doctors have been very pleased with my recovery so we're blessed that God provided a much quicker recovery than most other double organ transplant patients.  

...There have been no signs of rejection in this first critical year.

 ...My donor's family returned a letter to me.  I had written to them through a 3rd party.  The family wrote back to me and were thankful to hear from me.  We're still anonymous to each other, but it's a blessing to be able to express our thankfulness to them.  We hope it helps to ease the pain & adjustment to losing their father, son, husband...

...I have been discharged from my transplant physician.  I will now be followed by liver and kidney specialists. 

...Todd's work schedule has allowed him to attend all of my many medical appointments.  A second set of ears has been very helpful!  The medical world has always been fascinating to me & I worked in medical offices for many years.  Todd was not familiar with medical terminology but soon became an expert on my meds and a #1 nurse because of his desire to care for me.

...My number of pills have been decreased!  I'll own a pill box for the rest of my life.  However, some of the compartments are empty now. I was taking pills 4 times a day...now it's only twice!  I now take 3 different anti-rejection meds and 1 blood pressure pill.  (A huge difference from when I came home from the hospital.) 

..I started out with bloodwork 3 times per week.  It has gradually decreased & is now only every 6 weeks. 

...Through this year, we've met many people who have been covering us in prayer in addition to the numerous others who we knew were praying.  What a blessing it is to be reminded that we not alone on this adventure.  

Todd bought a kayak before my surgery & wanted me to get one also.  I physically wasn't able to join him because I couldn't bend my body to get into it.  Also, if I would have flipped it, I don't think I would have been able to properly maneuver to set it upright.  Now, my doctors have cleared me to be in lake waters and Todd thought I was ready so he bought a kayak for me.  It is a blessing to be able to enjoy something active with my family and my new body.

 

It has been a huge blessing to be a living, walking, kayaking example of God's miracles.  I still get asked about prayer requests.  In case you're wondering, they would include...

...my donor's family & whatever their needs may be

...helping my foggy brain & the way I can easily be overwhelmed

....my low energy level.  My doctor just started me on an iron supplement.  Hopefully that will help.

...I have such a story to tell (as we all do).  Pray that God would be glorified as my story is told so that others learn more about Him.

Once again, thanks for following God's work through a medical miracle and answer to prayers!

With love and thankfulness,
Belinda

My toughest night in the hospital--but God provided

I'll never forget my toughest night in the hospital & how God provided just what I needed...

I was transferred from the ICU to the next level of care--still close monitoring but not 2 nurses for each patient.  I sensed that my new nurse was very busy & had a full work load.  She cared for me well medically but didn't have a warm personality.  I was less than 24 hours after surgery ended so I couldn't do anything for myself.  Todd was there but he was functioning with no sleep since surgery started.  Plus, there were many things that only the nurses could do.  

She settled me in my new environment & then left to care for other patients.  Todd was starting to relax & attempt some overdue sleep.  It looked like a restful night was ahead of us.  That's when the Prednisone kicked in.  The normal protocol was to give me extremely high doses of Prednisone to fight my body's natural instinct to fight off foreign substances.  I had been told that before surgery, but nothing could have prepared me for the side effects.

I was exhausted but each time that I started to drift off to sleep I would hallucinate.  So, I was partially awake and able to have a 2-way conversation with Todd while I was seeing them.  At first he tried to convince me that they weren't real, but then he realized that he just needed to play along with it & try to keep me calm.  

Some of the hallucinations weren't terrible--I saw designs on the walls, each time a different design. I couldn't figure out how it kept changing.  Some were comical--I delivered Domino's Pizza.  I was dressed in a uniform & had a delivery sign on the top of our van.  I remember asking people what toppings they wanted.

Other times, they were frightening.  I walked outside the hospital in my gown & then tried to come back inside but the doors were locked.  I was banging on the doors to try to get in.  Nobody would help me.  Another scary one was when my favorite yellow lab, Ben, was lying on the floor beside me. He's a large dog & he takes up a lot of room on the floor.  I kept saying that someone was going to step on him.  I wanted someone to move him out of the way.  He was laying beside me right in the middle of my hospital room.  

Each time a hallucination would start, I would hyperventilate & then my heart & oxygen rates would go crazy.  That would set off alarms & my nurse would come to my room.  The first time she calmly told me that I needed to take deep breaths.  Then I would relax & settle down.  As soon as I drifted off to sleep, the cycle would start again:  hallucinations, hyperventilate, alarms, nurse.  Each time, she was a little less patient with me.  She told me that if I didn't take deep breaths, I was risking pneumonia & other problems.  I'm sure that I needed to hear that; however, it gave me more fear in the way that it was delivered.

I was uncomfortable because I was sweating & sticking to the bed.  I was really frightened because I couldn't move myself at all--not even lift my head.  Todd & the nurse needed to move me.  What a helpless feeling!

This process continued through the long night.  Todd tried to sleep between episodes while leaning over my bed to soothe me.  Finally, the 7am shift change occurred.  I wasn't aware of the time & barely opened my eyes all night.  My room was dark but I heard a new voice introducing herself.  She said her name was Sophia & her calm voice was exactly what I needed.  God sent her that morning to show me that He was taking care of me.  She helped me breathe properly & stayed with me in my anxious times.  

Later that morning, a resident doctor gave me goals of trying to advance my eating, getting up & walking, and a few more.  I was overwhelmed to tears because I couldn't process all of that while battling the hallucinations & other Prednisone effects.  Once again, Sophia came to my rescue.  She had me focus on 1 goal at a time.  She said that it didn't need to be all done at once.  I was still less than 48 hours post op.  Todd was a great support, but he wasn't experienced with this to be able to know whether to push me or not.

Then, my other great encourager came in--Dr. Cameron, my surgeon.  I explained my frustrations & he explained that I was doing extremely well & way ahead of the recovery schedule.  I really needed to hear that because I couldn't think clearly & wasn't sure if I was doing well.  

Throughout the next few days Dr. Cameron & Sophia kept me realistic & focused on taking 1 day at a time.  I had difficulty eating because of nausea but they convinced me that my bloodwork showed that I was doing great & my IV was giving me the proper nutrition.  They said just do whatever your body is telling you.  Those 2 angels really made a difference in my recovery process. 

God's timing was perfect!  It was shown in so many ways throughout my hospital stay & recovery.  I'm so grateful for all He has done & provided through so many people.  Thanks for following on my journey.  It's a huge blessing to know that I'm not alone.  

Now, I'm anxiously awaiting how He will utilize this foggy brain to show his sovereignty again.  I'll keep you posted.  This is all in His plan.  I just need to try to rest in that.

Thanks for following & praying!

Belinda

            

God is in charge!

I woke this morning & felt compelled to write.  (As you can see from the infrequency of my posts, that doesn't happen often.)  As I write this, we are in the middle of a beautiful snow storm.  I am admiring the beauty of this white covering and I'm struck by the fact that God is in charge.  I watched a few weather reports yesterday.  There were lots of meteorologists predicting how this snow storm would behave. Lots of time & energy was spent trying to prepare us for what was coming.

This morning I am acknowledging that only God knew what was going to happen in detail.  Despite the knowledge that God has allowed weather forecasters to obtain, He is still the only forecaster that always gets it correct!  I have been leaning on Jeremiah 29:11 to remind me that He knows the plans that He has for me.  Let me catch you up on my recent struggles before proceeding with my transplant journey...

I have had regular checks at Hopkins & my liver & kidney doctors are really pleased with the functions of my new organs.  God coordinated the perfect match & my body is pleased with the new additions so I'm very thankful that physically I'm feeling great!  For the past few months, however, I've been experiencing increasing cognitive problems.  My brain is having difficulty with clear thinking & it seems like I float from day to day in a fog.  Even small tasks that require a lot of thinking, like meal planning, are a real chore for me.  It seems like it's getting worse, but perhaps I'm just getting more frustrated by it.  I'm a detail-oriented person & this drives me crazy.  

At my December visit, my kidney doctor witnessed my teary frustration & said "you didn't go through all of this to feel this way".  That pretty much summed up my feelings.  At my September visit with her, I didn't have these complaints.  Actually, I felt clearer the 1st few months after surgery than I do now.  She outlined a path to investigate this further.  Yes, I'm taking a lot of meds; however, she wasn't sure that we should keep attributing my mental complaints to that.  So, I'll hopefully soon be checked by a neurolgist/psychologist to see if there's something causing my brain to not think clearly.  Some people have been asking how to continue to pray--there it is.

Another way that I witnessed God in charge is my most recent "bump in the road"--shingles.  I'm just about recovered from what turned out to be a short-lived case.  After being diagnosed, I heard stories of many shingles cases that lingered for months or even years.  I witnessed how painful the blistered rash can be.  Thankfully, I was started on medication quickly & the duration was only weeks.  I was thankful that I didn't need the pain med for too long because it made me very drowsy.  Drowsy + foggy is not a good combination.  So, God blessed me by healing me quickly.

As frustrated as I am right now & have difficulty reading with comprehension, I'm thankful for God's word like Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Even though I'd like to be doing more in-depth reading, His word is all I need to cling to.

With a foggy brain, but clear thankfulness,

Belinda  

6 months & counting!

This week marks my 6-month anniversary of my transplants.  I'm doing very well physically...about 85% & much more comfortable than pre-surgery.  Praise God!! 

Let me tell you about waking from my 12-hour nap that took place 6 months ago on June 18...

I can't believe that I can remember this because I was told that it happened while I was still in the operating room.  I remember starting to wake from anesthesia & realizing that my prayer was answered--the medical team was asking me to cough because they were going to remove the tube in my throat.  It was uncomfortable but I told myself "wow this isn't too bad...why was I afraid of this?"  So, God answered my prayer before I even left the O.R.--amazing!!  Another thing I remember as I was waking were 2 comments: "Her blood sugars are in the 600's."  That alarmed me, but I knew that they had it under control.  Nobody else seemed worried because they broadcasted it with all of the other vitals & blood levels so I guessed it was a normal part of post-surgery. 

The other comment was:  "Look, she's peeing!!"  That meant that my new kidney was joining his new friends (my old kidneys). We later learned that my original kidneys weren't removed.  Once Meg was removed & the surgeons could actually see my kidneys, they decided to keep them because they weren't too large. Also, their function is decreasing but they are still working well.  So, now I have 3 kidneys!

I headed to the 1st stage of recovery in the ICU.  The next several hours were really busy.  I had 2 nurses dedicated to my care & they were constantly doing something to or for me.  After I was stable enough, Todd was able to join me in the ICU.  At first, I was hesitant to have him with me because I didn't know how he would handle seeing me in this amount of pain.  He didn't like to see me in pain before surgery.  But this time it was different--I needed to go through this pain as part of the recovery process.  He handled everything well & I was really thankful that he could be there.
 
This is me at 7am.

I had tubes coming out of almost everywhere! I remember asking for lollipops (swabs with water).  You'll see one in my hand.  I still wasn't allowed to swallow any water so they had a small tube in my throat going to my stomach.  My mouth & throat were uncomfortably dry.  I was awake & able to talk.  Looking back, I can't believe how coherent I was so soon after surgery.  The pain meds were given very frequently & kept it pretty well under control.  By the time I would start to sleep, it was time for pain med.  It reminded me of labor contractions...just as I would start to relax, another wave of pain came.   

 

 

 Around 3pm--Dr. Cameron made me happy when he removed the tube from my nose to stomach & also removed 1 of the tubes in my neck.  Ahhhh--what a relief!!  I'm not a big fan of really cold drinks with ice so I never thought I would get so excited about being advanced to tiny sips of cold water & an occasional ice chip.









 Late in the afternoon (about 24 hours after surgery had started), I was transferred to a chair.  It exhausted me to be vertical--wow, was I weak!  I quickly befriended a pillow.  The abdominal pain was really starting to kick in so every hiccup or cough or even sniff was a major ordeal.  I was encouraged to try to cough to loosen any fluid that may have settled in my chest.   

Before surgery, we had been told that I could be in the ICU for a few days & may even have to go back into the OR if there were complications.  Because of God's provision of healing & amazing caregivers (including my husband), I left the ICU within 24 hours of surgery!

As I was being transferred from ICU to the next stage, the transporter asked how I was feeling.  I said "I guess I'm as good as I can be just 24 hours after a surgery".  He said "do you realize that you just had 1 of the largest surgeries that we do here at Hopkins?"  That really struck me because I hadn't looked at it that way before.  I was grateful because I knew that I was really ahead of the recovery schedule & I could feel God watching over me.

I was about to face my worst night while in the hospital.  Talk to you on the next post.....

Belinda

The day I got the call--The rest of the Story

Final thoughts from June 17...

Throughout the afternoon, various medical staff came into our room to check me or discuss the surgery and anesthesia procedures.  I didn't have many questions this time because I had a chance to ask them in January.  As before, I shared with the anesthesiologist my only concern about the whole procedure: waking up & knowing that a tube was in my throat.  I couldn't explain this fear...it just was real to me.  He assured me that I would be sedated enough to deal with it but they would get it out as soon as they could.  In the ICU, they would need to leave the tube in my throat until I was stable, but I would need to be alert enough to communicate a little with staff.  He said that it may be in for a few days. Expressing my concern gave me peace.  

I was getting acclimated to life in a hospital...just as I would start to relax & close my eyes, someone else would come in.  We were on the 7th floor and the heli pad was above us so we could hear the choppers coming & going.  At one point, it was quiet in our room & we both noticed a helicopter leaving the hospital.  We had been wondering if my new organs had arrived yet.  A few minutes later, one of the surgeons came into the room & told us that everything was going well & the medical team just left to get my organs.  So, it was awesome to hear the specific chopper that would be carrying my precious cargo.  We found it interesting to learn that some of the surgical team travels to procure the organs & make sure they're ok. The other part of the team is responsible for getting the recipient ready.  

An estimated surgery time was mentioned--4:00.  In January, surgery was delayed several times, so I didn't really count on that being the actual time.  As 4:00 approached, there wasn't much communication from the medical staff.  I assumed that this meant surgery would be delayed or possibly cancelled.  However, a little after 4:00, my nurse opened the door & said "let's go".  I said "where are we going? is surgery really going to happen?"  She said that she would double check & quickly returned with a big smile & "yes!"      

So, I hopped in the wheelchair & down the hall we went.  As we traveled, I had to tell myself that this was actually going to happen.  I had prepared myself for a 2nd false alarm, just in case.    Now, it was feeling real!

It's difficult to describe what I was feeling from that moment until I went under anesthesia.  I wasn't afraid.  I can't remember any specific emotion.  I simply felt like this was The Plan & like time stood still as it was being carried out.  I felt this overwhelming sense that God was orchestrating every single second & every move that was made.  (He does this all of the time but I rarely stop to think about it...now I was acutely aware of it.)  I have never doubted that God could take away this disease from me.  However, I never thought it was His plan to do so.  I thought that this was part of my life story so now it was coming true.

We arrived at the surgical entrance & Todd had to leave me.  I would have preferred that we stay together because he was with me for every other step.  However, I knew that this was something that God & I had to do alone.  A few more turns & hallways & we arrived at my surgical suite.  I waited at the door & the anesthesiologists & surgeons met me there.  (There needs to be multiple of each because they need breaks due to the length of the surgery.)    

They asked me to confirm my name & what procedure I was having performed.  I said "1 liver & 1 kidney, please!"  I told them that I have been tormented by this liver for a long time & want to see what it looks like, so I requested pictures of my kidneys & liver.  They laughed & said that they usually don't get this request but were happy to do so & asked for our email address.  I thought they would send it to us days later.  They surprised Todd by sending it to him during the procedure.  

Then, they opened the 2 huge doors to the operating suite.  I wouldn't call it a room because it seemed really big & bright & shiny with lots of people in it.  On a lighter side, it felt like being on "Let's Make a Deal" tv show when they say "here's what we have for you behind door #1!"  They said, "Would you like to walk in & climb up on the table?  Most of our liver transplant patients aren't able to do this."  Of course I wanted to...1 last piece of independence...

So, I walked into the room & climbed up the 1st step of the stool & stopped.  I remember trying to hold my gown closed as I stepped up.  Then I laughed at myself...thinking how silly that was because pretty soon the gown would disappear :)

I was on the 1st step & then stopped & looked around at all that was happening all around me.  One person was focusing on me--the anesthesiologist.  Everyone else was busy preparing whatever part of the procedure they were responsible for.   I felt the nudge to speak to everyone (way out of my comfort zone).  In a fairly loud voice that stopped everyone, I let them all know that they were being covered in prayer by hundreds of people so they weren't alone in this.  I remember several smiles & several looks of amazement.  (Or maybe they were thinking "give her the anesthesia so we can proceed with this surgery".) 

By declaring that aloud, even more peace came over me by reminding myself about the prayer team that surrounded us.  I climbed onto the table & positioned myself on the narrow, cold, metal table as instructed.  I already had the IV port in place so the anesthesiologist connected me to some meds.  He said that he was going to give me a "glass of wine"...meaning that they would start by lightly sedating me.  (We had been told that I would be under light sedation for about an hour while they prep me & then the heavier anesthesia would start later when the surgery began.)  

I remember telling the anesthesiologist (who had a very, caring look in his eyes) "I like wine, but I haven't had it for a very long time...I'm a cheap date...it won't take much...   I'm sure I was mumbling by that point, because that's all that I remember until I awoke several hours later.  

I'll stop here & begin again when I woke up the next day...

Thanks for traveling with me back in time...
Belinda

   

The day I got the call--Part 2

To continue on my thoughts from June 17...

We had safe travels, but hardly said a word to each other.  We were either on the phone or silently processing all that was happening or about to happen...

As I experienced on our January false alarm, I was calm until we were in downtown Baltimore, turning off of I-83 & could see Johns Hopkins ahead of us.  For some reason, that view makes it seem more real.  So, once we rounded that corner, we couldn't park fast enough for me...I wanted to move onto the next step.  

In January, we arrived in the middle of the night & the hospital lobby & hallways were almost empty. It felt like I was the only patient there.  On that visit, we went directly to the kidney/liver transplant floor.  So, initially, it felt like more was happening upon our arrival.  This time was different in that we arrived at a very busy time of the morning. 

We walked at a pretty rapid pace, thinking that they were waiting for us.  We got to Admissions about 10AM, I checked in, and they said "have a seat".  After a short while, they completed some paperwork, and asked a ton of questions...did I want a mammogram or GYN exam while I was here?...  have I been out of the country recently?...insurance questions...living will questions...on and on...  I was compliant, but really just wanted to go upstairs because it seemed odd that in January I didn't go through this whole process--we went straight to the transplant prep process.  

Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled when we had been sitting in Admissions for 1 hour & nothing had happened.  I called & texted people to utilize my energy.  I called my transplant coordinator to make sure that she knew I was in the Admissions office. (this really made Todd shake his head.) He had no doubt that they knew I was there...I just wanted to make sure.  I guess I was hoping they would say "come on up to the transplant floor instead of sitting in Admissions".  Yes, they were aware that I was there but they said that I should wait there for someone to get me.  Oh well...I tried :) 

As I was anxiously waiting (& not utilizing their comfy chairs), I looked around at everyone else sitting calmly.  This was one of the many times during this adventure that God reminded me that when we pass someone, we usually don't know their story.  I had walked into the hospital on 1 of the biggest days of my life & right beside me could have been someone coming for a routine check up or for something very minor.  We can never try to understand someone without knowing their story.   

Finally, around noon (yes, 2 hours later) a transport came to wheel me to the liver/kidney transplant floor.  When we reached our room, they were waiting for me.  I still felt like everything was moving slowly.  I got into a gown & they took my vital signs, did some bloodwork & EKG, and started an IV.  Then we were told that they would wait for my test results to make sure I was ready for a transplant & to make a final check for compatibility.  

So, the waiting continued...  The nurse told me to just rest & they would tell us when they knew more.  I had not slept well the night before, but I couldn't relax enough to sleep.  I was calm, but my brain was on overload.  Also, I knew that I would be taking a REALLY long nap during surgery.  In many ways, the waiting that morning felt longer than the 2 years that I had been on the transplant list.  Still, God knew the plans that He had for me...I just wanted to know some more details about that plan :)

To be continued on my next post....

With love,

Belinda  

The day I got the call--Part 1

I'm now 3 months post surgery & doing well.  I'm trying to adjust to some side effects of the medications:  lack of concentration, "foggy" brain, and some double vision problems, but my medical team says that they are normal for this part of my recovery & that I'm right on track & actually ahead of a normal recovery schedule in some ways, so I'm really thankful.  I'd like to start sharing about this whole adventure starting with the day that I got the call from Hopkins...

June 17--For those of you who don't know, Todd & I work with the same ministry--Servants. I work in the office about 3 days each week.  Todd works fulltime but is often out of the office working at clients' homes or doing assessments.  So, our schedules only overlap in the office about 2 days per week.  Well, God's plan was for them to overlap on June 17.  

Todd had gone to the office very early that morning & I arrived there around 7:30.  I had just organized my day & sat down at my desk when my cell phone rang.  I saw that it was my transplant coordinator, Katie.   Over the past 2 years, she had called me occasionally for various reasons--most of the time it was about getting tests done or to tell me where I was positioned on the waiting list.  My heart rate didn't increase when I saw her name on my phone like it did early in the process.  

I casually answered the phone. She asked me how I was feeling & I told her that I had been feeling worse than MY normal for the past several weeks (congested to the point that I doubted they would put me under anesthesia).  However, that week the congestion was gone & I had been feeling pretty well.  Katie said "great--because we have a potential donor for you."  

I was excited, but calm.  When I was placed on the transplant waiting list, we had been told that we would likely have up to 24 hours' notice before I needed to be at the hospital.  This was because many donors are on life support & the medical team has more time to process the transplant.  If you read my January post when I had a false alarm, you'll see that I had about 8 hours' notice from my 1st call until when they called & told me to head to the hospital.  

This time was different...I asked Katie when I could expect to receive the 2nd call (as I had received in January).  She said "this situation is different--the donor will soon being taken to the Operating Room so we need you to come now.  How soon can you be here?"  I told her that I wasn't at home so I needed to go there & talk to our daughters (who were still asleep) & get some things in order.  She asked if we could be at Hopkins by 10:00.  I told her that we would do our best.  Her only directions were to go to the admissions office at Hopkins & then let her know when we arrive.  Here's my processing:  "It's 7:30 now...I could put things in order on my desk & be home by 8:00...it takes about 1 hour to get to Hopkins...that leaves 1 hour to talk with Sara & Carly & get what I need at home..."  

Ok--NOW my heart rate was racing!!  I'd love to tell you that I dropped to my knees in a thankful prayer.  However, I've been truthful through this whole blog, so I need to tell you that I sat at my desk & closed my eyes & said "what do I do next?... if I could just have a little more time, God...how can I be bold enough to ask for more time when I've been waiting for this for 2 years...why do I want more time?--that's ridiculous!"  My thoughts were so jumbled.  I was thankful but really couldn't process what was happening.

If you check back to my post on June 16, you'll see that I had just been moved up the list to get transplants from a wider region.  Because of that move, I really felt that the call would come soon but I felt it would be later that week.  On my desk were many tasks in progress.  For some reason, I thought my transplant call would be coming the following week.  So, my to-do list for that day included the completion of tasks to get ready for me being out of the office for an extended period of time.  So, the thought of several loose ends on my desk didn't give me peace. It's not that my co-workers couldn't handle them, it's just that some of the things would need an explanation. 

I didn't see Todd in his office, so I assumed he was in the warehouse.  He later told me that he had been in the prayer room.  His time with God that morning is an amazing part of this adventure, but I'll let him share that with you, so ask him if you want to know.  A few minutes later, Todd came back to his office.  I said "you better pack up...it's time to go."  He said, "Where are we going?"  All I said was "Hopkins".  He looked surprised, but not alarmed (I guess he also thought we would be getting a 2nd call).  I told him that we needed to be at Hopkins immediately.  Todd prayed over us & for the donor's family & then we soon left the office.

Another God thing--as we were leaving the parking lot, our co-worker, Ryan was coming.  He had been off work for a few weeks to spend time with his family & their newborn daughter.  This was his 1st day back.  So, Todd said "Tag...I'll call you on our way to Hopkins to clue you in on what's going on--not sure when I'll be back in the office."   

My next step was to call a specific friend for 2 reasons:  I knew that with 1 call I could get the prayer chain started at church & also hear a calming voice that would not be as jumbled as my mind & speech were, but that would pray over me.  I had made the right call--Amanda calmed me & re-assured me that we would be surrounded by prayers, starting with the one that she prayed over the phone. I felt a huge sense of peace & I remember wanting to jump up & down (even though jumping was very painful for me).  I just wasn't sure what to do with my emotions--laugh in happiness, cry (tears with thankfulness & the reality that another call had come), a guarding of my heart to not be too anxious in case this was another false alarm.... It was all of those combined but then reality told me that I needed to get into action--the emotions would have to temporarily be put aside.  We each made phone calls on the way home.  I called my parents & they were available to help with our girls.  I was very thankful for that

We were home by 8:00 & woke Carly & Sara.  We gave them the option of coming with us, but they chose to stay home (which was the best choice because we didn't know how long we would be waiting at the hospital or when someone could take them home).  After talking with them, we put our to-do lists into action.  There wasn't much conversation--we were very focused.  By 9:00ish we were heading south on I-83.  It was a much more comfortable ride this time.  Daylight & dry roads.  (In January, we had a middle of the night drive with wet, snowy roads.)

I was very thankful for technology.  We called & texted people during the drive.  I didn't have much time to talk, so texting was really a blessing.  To explain how focused Todd was:  I was clipping my toenails & throwing them out of the window.  (Purely nervous energy...it needed done & I wasn't sure how soon I would be able to bend enough to do it.)  Well, he never noticed!!  I had been waiting for his comments about how strange I was :)  He had never said anything...his mind was really full!

I would go through periods of calm & then I'd feel my heart start to beat faster. I had to keep reminding myself of who was in charge and I kept reciting Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  and Phillippians 4:6-7 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  That would calm me as I reminded myself that this wasn't a surprise to God...this was in His plans...I have hope for a new body.  If my mind would start to wander again, then I had to turn it over to Him again.  

I think I'll stop there because this got really long.  Thanks for listening!  To be continued...

With love,

Belinda