The day I got the call--Part 2

To continue on my thoughts from June 17...

We had safe travels, but hardly said a word to each other.  We were either on the phone or silently processing all that was happening or about to happen...

As I experienced on our January false alarm, I was calm until we were in downtown Baltimore, turning off of I-83 & could see Johns Hopkins ahead of us.  For some reason, that view makes it seem more real.  So, once we rounded that corner, we couldn't park fast enough for me...I wanted to move onto the next step.  

In January, we arrived in the middle of the night & the hospital lobby & hallways were almost empty. It felt like I was the only patient there.  On that visit, we went directly to the kidney/liver transplant floor.  So, initially, it felt like more was happening upon our arrival.  This time was different in that we arrived at a very busy time of the morning. 

We walked at a pretty rapid pace, thinking that they were waiting for us.  We got to Admissions about 10AM, I checked in, and they said "have a seat".  After a short while, they completed some paperwork, and asked a ton of questions...did I want a mammogram or GYN exam while I was here?...  have I been out of the country recently?...insurance questions...living will questions...on and on...  I was compliant, but really just wanted to go upstairs because it seemed odd that in January I didn't go through this whole process--we went straight to the transplant prep process.  

Needless to say, I wasn't too thrilled when we had been sitting in Admissions for 1 hour & nothing had happened.  I called & texted people to utilize my energy.  I called my transplant coordinator to make sure that she knew I was in the Admissions office. (this really made Todd shake his head.) He had no doubt that they knew I was there...I just wanted to make sure.  I guess I was hoping they would say "come on up to the transplant floor instead of sitting in Admissions".  Yes, they were aware that I was there but they said that I should wait there for someone to get me.  Oh well...I tried :) 

As I was anxiously waiting (& not utilizing their comfy chairs), I looked around at everyone else sitting calmly.  This was one of the many times during this adventure that God reminded me that when we pass someone, we usually don't know their story.  I had walked into the hospital on 1 of the biggest days of my life & right beside me could have been someone coming for a routine check up or for something very minor.  We can never try to understand someone without knowing their story.   

Finally, around noon (yes, 2 hours later) a transport came to wheel me to the liver/kidney transplant floor.  When we reached our room, they were waiting for me.  I still felt like everything was moving slowly.  I got into a gown & they took my vital signs, did some bloodwork & EKG, and started an IV.  Then we were told that they would wait for my test results to make sure I was ready for a transplant & to make a final check for compatibility.  

So, the waiting continued...  The nurse told me to just rest & they would tell us when they knew more.  I had not slept well the night before, but I couldn't relax enough to sleep.  I was calm, but my brain was on overload.  Also, I knew that I would be taking a REALLY long nap during surgery.  In many ways, the waiting that morning felt longer than the 2 years that I had been on the transplant list.  Still, God knew the plans that He had for me...I just wanted to know some more details about that plan :)

To be continued on my next post....

With love,

Belinda  

The day I got the call--Part 1

I'm now 3 months post surgery & doing well.  I'm trying to adjust to some side effects of the medications:  lack of concentration, "foggy" brain, and some double vision problems, but my medical team says that they are normal for this part of my recovery & that I'm right on track & actually ahead of a normal recovery schedule in some ways, so I'm really thankful.  I'd like to start sharing about this whole adventure starting with the day that I got the call from Hopkins...

June 17--For those of you who don't know, Todd & I work with the same ministry--Servants. I work in the office about 3 days each week.  Todd works fulltime but is often out of the office working at clients' homes or doing assessments.  So, our schedules only overlap in the office about 2 days per week.  Well, God's plan was for them to overlap on June 17.  

Todd had gone to the office very early that morning & I arrived there around 7:30.  I had just organized my day & sat down at my desk when my cell phone rang.  I saw that it was my transplant coordinator, Katie.   Over the past 2 years, she had called me occasionally for various reasons--most of the time it was about getting tests done or to tell me where I was positioned on the waiting list.  My heart rate didn't increase when I saw her name on my phone like it did early in the process.  

I casually answered the phone. She asked me how I was feeling & I told her that I had been feeling worse than MY normal for the past several weeks (congested to the point that I doubted they would put me under anesthesia).  However, that week the congestion was gone & I had been feeling pretty well.  Katie said "great--because we have a potential donor for you."  

I was excited, but calm.  When I was placed on the transplant waiting list, we had been told that we would likely have up to 24 hours' notice before I needed to be at the hospital.  This was because many donors are on life support & the medical team has more time to process the transplant.  If you read my January post when I had a false alarm, you'll see that I had about 8 hours' notice from my 1st call until when they called & told me to head to the hospital.  

This time was different...I asked Katie when I could expect to receive the 2nd call (as I had received in January).  She said "this situation is different--the donor will soon being taken to the Operating Room so we need you to come now.  How soon can you be here?"  I told her that I wasn't at home so I needed to go there & talk to our daughters (who were still asleep) & get some things in order.  She asked if we could be at Hopkins by 10:00.  I told her that we would do our best.  Her only directions were to go to the admissions office at Hopkins & then let her know when we arrive.  Here's my processing:  "It's 7:30 now...I could put things in order on my desk & be home by 8:00...it takes about 1 hour to get to Hopkins...that leaves 1 hour to talk with Sara & Carly & get what I need at home..."  

Ok--NOW my heart rate was racing!!  I'd love to tell you that I dropped to my knees in a thankful prayer.  However, I've been truthful through this whole blog, so I need to tell you that I sat at my desk & closed my eyes & said "what do I do next?... if I could just have a little more time, God...how can I be bold enough to ask for more time when I've been waiting for this for 2 years...why do I want more time?--that's ridiculous!"  My thoughts were so jumbled.  I was thankful but really couldn't process what was happening.

If you check back to my post on June 16, you'll see that I had just been moved up the list to get transplants from a wider region.  Because of that move, I really felt that the call would come soon but I felt it would be later that week.  On my desk were many tasks in progress.  For some reason, I thought my transplant call would be coming the following week.  So, my to-do list for that day included the completion of tasks to get ready for me being out of the office for an extended period of time.  So, the thought of several loose ends on my desk didn't give me peace. It's not that my co-workers couldn't handle them, it's just that some of the things would need an explanation. 

I didn't see Todd in his office, so I assumed he was in the warehouse.  He later told me that he had been in the prayer room.  His time with God that morning is an amazing part of this adventure, but I'll let him share that with you, so ask him if you want to know.  A few minutes later, Todd came back to his office.  I said "you better pack up...it's time to go."  He said, "Where are we going?"  All I said was "Hopkins".  He looked surprised, but not alarmed (I guess he also thought we would be getting a 2nd call).  I told him that we needed to be at Hopkins immediately.  Todd prayed over us & for the donor's family & then we soon left the office.

Another God thing--as we were leaving the parking lot, our co-worker, Ryan was coming.  He had been off work for a few weeks to spend time with his family & their newborn daughter.  This was his 1st day back.  So, Todd said "Tag...I'll call you on our way to Hopkins to clue you in on what's going on--not sure when I'll be back in the office."   

My next step was to call a specific friend for 2 reasons:  I knew that with 1 call I could get the prayer chain started at church & also hear a calming voice that would not be as jumbled as my mind & speech were, but that would pray over me.  I had made the right call--Amanda calmed me & re-assured me that we would be surrounded by prayers, starting with the one that she prayed over the phone. I felt a huge sense of peace & I remember wanting to jump up & down (even though jumping was very painful for me).  I just wasn't sure what to do with my emotions--laugh in happiness, cry (tears with thankfulness & the reality that another call had come), a guarding of my heart to not be too anxious in case this was another false alarm.... It was all of those combined but then reality told me that I needed to get into action--the emotions would have to temporarily be put aside.  We each made phone calls on the way home.  I called my parents & they were available to help with our girls.  I was very thankful for that

We were home by 8:00 & woke Carly & Sara.  We gave them the option of coming with us, but they chose to stay home (which was the best choice because we didn't know how long we would be waiting at the hospital or when someone could take them home).  After talking with them, we put our to-do lists into action.  There wasn't much conversation--we were very focused.  By 9:00ish we were heading south on I-83.  It was a much more comfortable ride this time.  Daylight & dry roads.  (In January, we had a middle of the night drive with wet, snowy roads.)

I was very thankful for technology.  We called & texted people during the drive.  I didn't have much time to talk, so texting was really a blessing.  To explain how focused Todd was:  I was clipping my toenails & throwing them out of the window.  (Purely nervous energy...it needed done & I wasn't sure how soon I would be able to bend enough to do it.)  Well, he never noticed!!  I had been waiting for his comments about how strange I was :)  He had never said anything...his mind was really full!

I would go through periods of calm & then I'd feel my heart start to beat faster. I had to keep reminding myself of who was in charge and I kept reciting Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."  and Phillippians 4:6-7 "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  That would calm me as I reminded myself that this wasn't a surprise to God...this was in His plans...I have hope for a new body.  If my mind would start to wander again, then I had to turn it over to Him again.  

I think I'll stop there because this got really long.  Thanks for listening!  To be continued...

With love,

Belinda