This morning I am acknowledging that only God knew what was going to happen in detail. Despite the knowledge that God has allowed weather forecasters to obtain, He is still the only forecaster that always gets it correct! I have been leaning on Jeremiah 29:11 to remind me that He knows the plans that He has for me. Let me catch you up on my recent struggles before proceeding with my transplant journey...
I have had regular checks at Hopkins & my liver & kidney doctors are really pleased with the functions of my new organs. God coordinated the perfect match & my body is pleased with the new additions so I'm very thankful that physically I'm feeling great! For the past few months, however, I've been experiencing increasing cognitive problems. My brain is having difficulty with clear thinking & it seems like I float from day to day in a fog. Even small tasks that require a lot of thinking, like meal planning, are a real chore for me. It seems like it's getting worse, but perhaps I'm just getting more frustrated by it. I'm a detail-oriented person & this drives me crazy.
At my December visit, my kidney doctor witnessed my teary frustration & said "you didn't go through all of this to feel this way". That pretty much summed up my feelings. At my September visit with her, I didn't have these complaints. Actually, I felt clearer the 1st few months after surgery than I do now. She outlined a path to investigate this further. Yes, I'm taking a lot of meds; however, she wasn't sure that we should keep attributing my mental complaints to that. So, I'll hopefully soon be checked by a neurolgist/psychologist to see if there's something causing my brain to not think clearly. Some people have been asking how to continue to pray--there it is.
Another way that I witnessed God in charge is my most recent "bump in the road"--shingles. I'm just about recovered from what turned out to be a short-lived case. After being diagnosed, I heard stories of many shingles cases that lingered for months or even years. I witnessed how painful the blistered rash can be. Thankfully, I was started on medication quickly & the duration was only weeks. I was thankful that I didn't need the pain med for too long because it made me very drowsy. Drowsy + foggy is not a good combination. So, God blessed me by healing me quickly.
As frustrated as I am right now & have difficulty reading with comprehension, I'm thankful for God's word like Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Even though I'd like to be doing more in-depth reading, His word is all I need to cling to.
With a foggy brain, but clear thankfulness,
Belinda
